30 reasons to love Manchester City

By Andy

1. They’re a club from Manchester. I’ve never been to Manchester, it might be a very nice place. At the very least I bet it beats living a tent city under a bridge.
2. I like sky blue football kits and sky blue colored things generally, such as the sky on a fresh spring day.
3. I’ve never flown Etihad Airways but they can’t be worse than American Airlines.
4. I love Emmanuel Adebayor.
5. I love Adebayor for not taking shit from racist football fans.
6. I love Carlos Tevez, he’s pretty much the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes made flesh.
7. I love Garry Cook, corporate clichéd buffoons are so much fun to laugh at.
8. I hate Mark Hughes and I’m glad he’s gone. Fuck him.
9. They stole the ‘Poznan’ from another club and then accused others of stealing it from them. Or in other words, they correctly interpreted the precedent of Armory v Delamirie.
10. Spending an obscene amount of money to win trophies. Terrific pantomime villainy. Not to mention they provide an extreme case of what is always the case, which makes them a wonderfully useful reference point for thinking about the infinite ways in which modern football is morally atrocious.
11. Inflating transfer fees and wages across Europe, affecting all clubs but especially the usual big money buying clubs, forcing them to be savvy and play the transfer market carefully just like everyone else.
12. I love them for offering Kaka £500,000 per week in wages, fuck it right? Beats lighting that money on fire, or financing terrorist groups.
13. Allowing themselves to be owned by Thaksin Shinawatra, inadvertently getting some people who wouldn’t otherwise give a fuck about what goes on in Thailand to look into it and become more informed, conscientious citizens of the world.
14. I love the City supporting scumbag who called Arsenal a ‘Feeder club’ on Twitter. Fuck Arsenal, the self-righteous boors. Serves them right for holding their noses up in the air with the “we’re developing youth” line and trotting it out as an excuse every time their team goes to shit.
15. I love the City supporting scumbag who called Surreal Football a ‘WUM blog that will quickly be forgotten.’ Your scorn makes us stronger out of spite for you, and every time you mention us we get free advertising.
16. In their pursuit of instant success, they injected stabilizing cash into several great but financially troubled clubs struggling to stay competitive against the giants.
17. I like Roberto Mancini, he’s not great or anything but he’s done more for Mario Balotelli than any other manager and I like that about him.
18. I love the City supporting scumbag who called Rangers a ‘Disgusting little club.’ I’m Catholic, so…yeah. Not that Celtic is any better of course, except for the Lisbon Lions. Anyway all basically clubs are disgusting. “Little” was uncalled for, I admit.
19. I love the City fans who suggest that Man United ‘Bought’ their success over the years. The insatiable hunger for sustained dominance drove Man U to regularly set newer, higher transfer fee records, pushing the bubble to the point where the only way clubs not already established as giants could compete with the Big Boys was either by taking on massive debt and risking financial implosion like Leeds, or though the patronage of obscenely wealthy foreign owners, that wealth in turn created by the West’s insatiable hunger for petroleum-fueled comfort and convenience gift-wrapped in blissful ignorance of the toil and suffering billions go through every day to build and maintain the little glass houses in which they live their petty bourgeois lives.
20. I love Brian Marwood. He named his autobiography Life of Brian, the cheeky bastard.
21. I love the ‘chief football administration officer’ title. It’s like a hilarious joke that’s even funnier because it’s not intended to be one.
22. I love the fans who don’t realize their club is changing from the people’s alternative to Man United, into a franchise just like United. They remind me how nice blissful ignorance can be.
23. I love them for buying Roque Santa Cruz, then ruining him. Fuck Paraguay for getting all the way to a Copa America final without winning a single game in open play. Should have been Venezuela.
24. I love them for giving a job to Paddy Vieira. More clubs should employ black ex-players in high-paying executive and managerial positions.
25. I hate being randomly abused by City supporting scum, but not any more or less than being randomly abused by [every other club] supporting scum.
26. I hate the City scum who chant ‘Munichs’ but I love the other City scum who won’t stand for that shit and call those assholes out.
27. I love David Silva.
28. I love Mario Balotelli.
29. I love Blue Moon.
30. I love inflatable bananas, being contrarian, and having a sense of humor.