Why Joey Barton is still a helmet
Joey Barton has used Twitter to feed his own need to be an outspoken twat. The problem is people started listening and he soon saw himself as the voice of the people, when he actually is, when all is said and done, as much of a twat as the people he is complaining about.
Before the new Barton though there was the old Barton. A man who seemed more bothered about where he can punch someone in the face rather than quoting Nietzsche. He seemed like a decent player, he just really liked fucking people up, normally for as minimal a reason as possible.
At this point though, everyone knew where we stood with him. Everyone, apart from other people who have a disposition to violence, hated the cunt and it was made all the more enjoyable by the fact he was easy to hate. Every time he was on the pitch someone would say how much of a cunt he is. It was sort of like watching Karl Henry now but easier; Barton was more openly hated, more openly a cunt. This all eventually culminated in him making a few adjustments to Ousmabe Dabo’s face. But everyone enjoys hating a character and the tabloids only enhanced his image as a violent Scouser that, in their own words, should be banned from the game.
As with most things though, people forgot. Barton reinvented himself on Twitter; he took on another personality. Between talking about Glastonbury and his love for the Smiths would be ReTweets from philosophers and opinions on politicians. Suddenly he became the only footballer worth following on Twitter and Rio Ferdinand was getting shown up for being the idiotic, sound making twat that he is #oooff (Fuck off Rio, you moron). It helped that this coincided with Barton’s greatest season and he started to look like the mature and decent footballer that we never thought he could be.
The thing is though; the real Barton is now shining through. All of his talk about enjoying indie music and actually just being “one of us”, which in Twitter terms normally means a middle class teenager, has been bullshit this whole time. The annoying thing is, it makes us look stupid and ignorant. Did the cunt plan it all out? Is he actually a Prodigy fan like we suspected all along? Has this been one big charade, so that, when the time comes, Barton will lead all the football fans in the land, like the Pied Piper, into the F.A., and blow the fuck out of it? I fucking hope so, but I doubt it.
There is no doubt though that Joey Barton loves his new role of the Messianic truth speaker in a world full of shame and lies. He has even quoted George Orwell “In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act”, adding more to the dystopic world that he is now frequenting. What Joey doesn’t realise though is that no-one else feels the same. We are all looking at him now, not in a “yer mate, you know what, you are right” way but in a “you’re a bit fucking mental and everyone enjoys watching a car crash” kind of way. Instead of saying anything real or provoking any intelligent thought, he has become our mindless entertainment, our “Deal or No Deal” on a boring afternoon when your girlfriend has fucked off on holiday.
His nemesis, Mike Ashley, is equally as hateable. He looks just like what you imagine an over-weight millionaire would look like. He is fat with capitalism and you can see why Barton would think he is in an Orwell book as comparisons to the pigs in “Animal Farm” and Big Brother in “1984” are easily made. The thing is, it would have been easy to have made Ashley look like the cunt he is but Barton fucked it up, his own self importance getting in the way.
Barton may still do well out of this though. He could end up with an improved contract, as even someone as incompetent as Alan Pardew must be able to see how important he is to the Newcastle team, or he could end up at a different team. Both would put an immediate stop to Barton’s self appointed role as the Messiah for the Premier League years and probably in his Twitter account getting deleted, so let’s hope he stays until August the 31st.
So, while it still lasts, get yourself onto Twitter and watch a mad man act as a Proletariat hero trying to take down the powerful and corrupt Bourgeoisie. At least in his head anyway, the cunt.
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