Report: Sir Alex Ferguson picks “joke” XI to face Leeds in the League Cup

Sir Alex Ferguson tonight announced that he was “having a laugh” when he put together his lineup to face Leeds United in the League Cup. It is believed that the great man had been “on the drink again” when he threw together a teamsheet including Michael ‘Barely Alive’ Owen.

Though Ferguson has treated the League Cup with similar busy contempt in the past, he admitted that this was a special case: “I really just wanted to show that I can do what I fucking like and Manchester United fans will still go with the line: ‘Fergie knows’,” he said to an unnamed source lacking a palpable existence.

There was more too, on the ‘Fergie knows’ comments. “I mean, sometimes, guess what? I get it wrong. I’d just like these idiots to stop being loyal to a point where I could tell them that I didn’t take a bung as part of the Bebe signing and they’d believe me.”

As for Leeds, he added: “Fuck them. Even if we lose, it’s hardly a real victory with Michael Owen on the pitch, or anywhere near it, is it?”