Dear Chelsea. Regarding your high defensive line.
A suicidally high line is unwise. As it sounds, funnily enough. You keep conceding goals from it and you keep looking ridiculous, because players like John Terry are not designed to do anything but sit in front of the goal.
Please, then, keep it up. Football, so full of money-driven cynicism, cuts out the reckless stuff; you, Chelsea, are bringing it back.
It’s great to watch in and of itself, but there’s extra fun because it’s you, Chelsea. Seeing you, looking like idiots, may well be as good as it gets. You, the Landaners, with JT and Tory Frank Lampard. You, with Oil money. It gives me – should I say it? – sexual pleasure to see you looking like appalling clowns.
What was also good fun was when your manager, Andre, defended the new system. He explained that you couldn’t count the fourth goal conceded against Arsenal this weekend because it came from a John Terry slip. Essentially: the manager can’t be held responsibility for John Terry’s incompetence. A fair point. Come on now, that’s funny!
Anyway, thanks for your time, Chelsea. Keep up the good work.
P.S. If Torres isn’t up for it, can I play a few games for you? I’m not a ‘natural goalscorer’ like him, but I have scored over ten in Sunday league football. One of them was a header.