Phriday Phlegm

It’s the weekend. The joy ought to be palpable.

 

Strikes

So members of Unison, the country’s biggest public sector union, have voted to strike by a majority of three to one. But only one in three of those balloted voted, prompting the government to question its mandate on account of the low turnout – which according to the particularly nasty Francis Maude, Cabinet Secretary and elite expenses claimer, “shows there is extremely limited support for the kind of strike action their union leaders want”. At general election, the Conservatives won 36.1% of the vote – so just above one in three, for a mandate to run the country – while a grand total of 0% of the electorate expressed a preference for a Con-Lib coalition.

Daniel Harris

 

If Stoke winning is wrong, then I’m comfortable being right

If there is any more damning conviction of modern football, then it is the existence of Stoke City as a successful club. It isn’t really their fault, they’re just chasing the money. It isn’t snobbery, it’s that their style is even more tedious than Barcelona’s, with none of the chutzpah of talent. Let’s move them to La Liga and settle the argument once and for all. Not the Barcelona match-up, as comical as that would be, but the Real Madrid ding-dong. Mourinho cuffing Pulis’ cap off his head, Pepe throwing Huth to the floor, and Ronaldo staring down Ryan Shawcross. A proper beating handed out to tiresome bullies, maybe they could then fuck off.

Alexander Netherton

 

Riots

A government-funded [sic] investigation into August’s riots has concluded that “something to do”, “free stuff” and “get back at the police” were its motivating factors. So no one was angry with the government, Westminster, and the grasping, selfish ways of its occupants then; funny that (though even if no one actually was, it doesn’t alter the fact that they should have been). A whopping 50 rioters were interviewed in the course of this study out of a humungously extensive total of 206 interviews – a piddling 133 of whom were neither present during the riots nor involved in any way.

DH

 

The French 75

Champagne, gin, lemon juice and sugar. The French 75.