So things suddenly look up for Liverpool and continue looking pretty shoddy for Chelsea. They’re now twelve points behind Manchester City, and if they think they’ve any chance of the league must demand urgent medical attention. Liverpool join them on twenty-two points, though are also behind Spurs, who in addition to their two games in-hand also have a superior goal difference.

Right, I’m off to see Bob Dylan. Yes, the act of a mug, but absorbing his presence and all that. We’ll be back tomorrow night with Spurs and Villa, with plenty of the usual in the meantime. Ta for your comments and company. Lehit.

FULL-TIME: CHELSEA 1 LIVERPOOL 2

90+2 min: I somehow managed to avoid noticing Andy Carroll turning up, but he’s on the pitch. Meireles canes one over the bar.

90 min: Three added minutes apparently, as Fernando Torres comes inside on his right foot and wafts a right piece ay nonsense over the bar

GOAL FOR LIVERPOOL! 1-2!

Wow. That was not at all bad. Adam hoddles a crossfield ball to Johnson, who takes a superb first touch, on the run and moving in off the right. Nutmegging Ashley Cole, whose tackle was rather hasty, he accelerates away from Malouda and calmly arcs a left-footer into the far corner, and beyond the tumbling Terry.

86 min: Henderson makes good ground down the right, sticking it into space and hurdling Terry’s tackle (oo-er). His cross is to Downing, on the edge of the box, and he takes one touch to lay-off to Kuyt, moving onto it and selecting his right foot to sidefoot past the the far post, when a left-footed hook would probably have served him better.

85 min: Malouda has another run at Johnson, at the end of a break, chipping past the back post when he had men up with him.

84 min: Booing and cheering! Cheering and booing! Torres comes on for Drogba, Meireles for Ramires.

82 min: Things have slowed down a little, so Torres, preparing to come on for the entire half, gets his top off. So does Meireles.

79 min: Suarez sticks it through Luiz’ legs and rockets into a tackle with Ramires, coming away with the ball. Not liking what might unfold, Ivanovic summarily cleans him out, conceding a free-kick just outside the box on the left corner and receiving a yellow card. Adam’s free-kick hits the first man, not for the first time.

78 min: Downing comes on for Maxi. Villas-Boas does some I’m dead moody me crouching.

76 min: Malouda bounds clear on the left and somehow crosses into the ground and wide, when he could either have shot or squared to where a couple of his mates were waiting. Mata then squares up Johnson and nips the ball away on the outside, hitting a shot that Reina saves easily enough.

75 min: Outrageously good from Drogba, and easily the best thing we’ve seen this afternoon, backing into his man and moving away at same time, somehow backheeling a bouncing ball when no one expected anything of the sort. Which also meant that no one was available to capitalise.

73 min: Liverpool’s first little sortie in a while, Henderson, Johnson and Suarez working a few passes and some space, before Cole eases Suarez away. Suarez claims a free-kick, which I’m unable to avoid recording for an easy point-score.

69 min: Malouda, who looks much smarter shorn, almost scores with an overhead kick. Ramires – who I must admit, is much better than I first thought – powers through a couple of tackles on the right, and the ball squirts to Mata on the edge of the box. He lifts a delicate pass over the top, where Malouda controls on his his chest and fires an effort just wide of Reina’s right-hand post.

67 min: Thanks to Kalle Weis Fogg, pointing out the ingrained prejudice of my typing Ramires when I meant Sturridge. Dalglish attempts to calm matters by replacing Bellamy with Henderson.

62 min: Terry lumps one long and pretty straight from the back, and Agger’s ceased paying attention, allowing Drogba to run in behind him and forcing Reina to charge out Grobbelaar-style to head clear.

62 min: It’s been all Chelsea these last few (me and minutes, eh? We’re pals). Then suddenly Skrtl gallumphs forward, moving Ramires to clatter him across the knees, an assault for which he’s booked.

60 min: Back to John Reid, who can now unbate his breath and untenter his hooks. With Chelsea’s back five, he’s probably the last one to blame (for footballing offences) – playing a high line when you’ve his slowness to contend with is unwise, but he’s playing ok.

57 min: My computer is not loving this excitement. While u waited, Terry flicked an excellent header from a free-kick swung over from the left, Reina flying to his left to shovel it away, and past Luiz, waiting at the back post to pirouette it in.

BUT CHELSEA HAVE SCORED! 1-1!

“And it’s John Terry’s bravery”, says Gary Neville. He breaks forward, and then Malouda eases away from Adam’s half-ersed tackle while Enrique backs off, driving a low, hard cross to the back post where Sturridge taps in.

54 min: “Whilst looking at Twitter,” admits John Reid, “I saw a certain  journalist – initials H.W. – blame every Chelsea defender except one – John Terry. Why does this wonderful human being never get the blame for Chelsea’s  dire defence?”

Well, EXCUSE ME WHILE I INTERRUPT MYSELF!

53 min: I’m not sure I quite understand that last prediction, nor whether I want to.

51 min: After Maxi stretches to try and poke past Reina following another Chelsea attack that resulted in a loose ball, Liverpool break, Suarez spiriting away on the left and winning a corner off a relieved Ivanovic. It came to nothing, but this will be the pattern for the half: Chelsea pound, Liverpool slice.

49 min: Lampard wriggles some space in midfield and finds Mata, infield but on the right, whose instapass is taken in his stride by Drogba, advancing towards the edge of the box and stepping inside, foxing Skrtl to create room for the shot. But he can’t control the effort, and shoots over.

46 min: Malouda brings Bellamy down thirty-odd yards from goal, right of centre, and Adam waves away Agger to boot it behind, seemingly doing so on purpose.

46 min: Liverpool underway us.

Change for Chelsea: Sturridge – and not Torres, I suppose I’m bound to report – for Mikel.

I know that I made a lazy facetion about him earlier, but Charlie Adam had a very good first half. I also know that he’s had many a good first half – versus United at Bloomfield Raod last season, for example – but he looks far leaner nowadays.

Sometime, very soon, Villas-Boas is going to have to decide on his best eleven. He’s stymmied by Alex’s injury in defence, but the combination play going forward isn’t right, and the answer might be to pick a team and stick to it, rather than change it constantly.

For those who misssed it (me): “There are times when I wonder if he’s being controlled by a ten-year-old in the crowd with a Playstation console” says Gary Neville of David Luiz.

“He says there you go Maxi Rodriguez” says Jamie Redknapp of Craig Bellamy.

Well, that wasn’t so bad. Not that much decent football, but a decent pace, escalating nastiness and a very well-taken goal. Dalglish will be beside himself with smug/justified pleasure, and “will be telling his players to just go out and do the same again”, whereas Villas-Boas has some work to do. It’s not that Chelsea don’t look threatening, especially if you take them out of context – but they’ve not crafted many chances. I recommend that they move Mata inside, and wonder if they’ve any decent defenders in the youth team.

HALF-TIME: CHELSEA 0 v 1 LIVERPOOL

44 min: Luiz, who looks like he might cry at any moment, steps up and Ivanovic stays, allowing Suarez to run onto Lucas’ clipped pass in the inside-right position. He quickly sweeps over a cross meant for Maxi at the back post, but it clips Luiz and goes behind for a corner, when it might have gone in.

42 min: Luiz is caught in possession by Suarez, Maxi and Adam, so obviously tries to twinkletoe his way out of it, which obviously he is unable to effect, instead forced to fling himself into them when he loses the ball, eaning his 462th booking of the season. He’s a truly world class liability.

39 min: And another! “What a total stramash of a game”, writes Alistair Walker. “Jose and Rafa would be turning in their graves, if they were dead.” I’m actually not hating it, certainly relative to how much I hated the sticked shit they offered. They might not mind it.

38 min: An email! It’s Alexander Netherton! He supplies no text, just the following picture, which he likes and I find nauseating. I am right, obviously.

34 min: GOAL TO LIVERPOOL! 0-1!

Cech clears weakly towards Mikel, and he loiters in possession thirty yards from goal, where he’s caught by Charlie Adam. Now that’s loitering. Bellamy breaks onto the loose ball, and races towards the area, exchanging passes with Suarez  to his left and sliding the return left too, but for Maxi, who turns it into the net easily from a few yards.

32 min: Suarez, Kuyt and Enrique combine down the left, Enrique scooting hither and thither as they attempt to find a way through. Suarez plays a ball inside Mata towards the by-line, but Ivanovic does well to clear.

29 min: Mata’s crossfield pass is intercepted by Kuyt, right side of the centre-circle, and sensibly, he immediately passes to someone better. Surez, cutting in towards goal, attempts to play a clever, killer ball that’s not really on, behind the men racing to meet him from the left. This allows Luiz to bring the ball clear, until Lucas hurls into him introducing stud to foot, earning a yellow card.

27 min: Some passes from Chelsea, until Agger cuts out the first one attempting to achieve anything. If he can stay fit, he’s an excellent player, and certainly better than Primal Scream’s favourite player, Mrtn Skrtl.

25 min: This is actually a reasonable game so far. Chelsea are enjoying the majority of possession, and look the likelier scorers – they could do with getting Mata on the ball a little more. Liverpool are sharp on the break, though, and you never know when Luiz and/or pals will contrive an absentmindedness.

23 min: GOAL! IF YOU’RE SKY! NOT A GOAL! IF YOU’RE EVERYONE ELSE!

Drogba’s free-kick is brilliant, dipping over the nearside of the wall and going by the post. But Reina didn’t move, so Tyler and Neville assumed that it was a goal, which it was not. What larks, dear old Pip, dear old chap.

21 min: Drogba is brought crashing to ground by a combination of defenders, and measures out a run to take a free-kick that’s about twenty-five yards out, right of centre…

20 min: “She loves a scouse cock, she loves a scouse cock, John Terry’s mam, she loves a scouse cock”, sing the Liverpool fans. And nicking things with his wife’s mam, the second verse doesn’t go.

16 min: Kuyt and Luiz chase a ball into touch, so obviously Luiz has to obviously turn it into a scuffle, swishing a hand in the direction of Kuyt’s gargoyle, but missing, seeking this effect.

14 min: Liverpool unpick Chelsea’s left side twice within two minutes: first, Bellamy races in and crosses low and hard, only for Suarez to be crowded out by a huddle of defenders, and then Johnson waltzes between a couple of cursory challenges, but elects to shoot from close to the by-line, allowing Cech to save.

12 min: On reflection, Mata’s volleyed effort was probably a cross. Nevermind. Mikel Obi John then has a dig from thirty yards, right of centre, but it’s far enough over the top for Reina not to worry.

10 min: First shot, and it’s Mata from a tight angle wide on the right, drilling low across the face of goal after good work and a good cross by Malouda. Emails please.

8 min: Ah good, some nastiness. Lucas goes in late and from behind on Ramires and Adam follows him in, but from in front, and has a snide little kick once grounded. The free-kick comes to nowt, but we can probably expect a fair bit of clogging, which I suppose is something.

 6 min: “Again, it’s like Groundhog Day” enlightens Gary Neville, as Liverpool find space in behind Chelsea and Luiz in particular, someone  – Ivanovic I think – levering Maxi off the ball. Liverpool’s end sings loudly about Luis Suarez, capable of no wrong because he plays for THEIR TEAM AND THEY SUPPORT IT WHATEVER, OK?

5 min: Following a brief investigation, I have ascertained that Suarez’ pass for Maxi is also considered to be a pass in Uruguay.

3 min: Suarez collects Lucas’ ball in space and threads one through for Maxi, putting him in a race with Terry, who for a second looks as though he’s done, before imparting an arm across his man, just about getting away with it.

2 min: Which is the scarier Chelsea clown? David Luiz, or this chap? Luiz his very self lofts the first of presumably many long balls over the top for Drogba, but it comes to nothing.

1 min: Off we grind.

Drogba hugs Terry. SOHBF, etc etc.

Peter Cech is wearing a gimp mask, or at least his special hat and taped-up face makes it look like this – I just wanted to write that sentence. John Terry, figurehead, leader, captain and captain leads Chelsea out, and his presence obscures everybody else as they trot out too. We take a break.

Michel Platini is here. I can’t for a second imagine he wants to be; this is going to be horrible.

Reasons not to get 3D no. 4,371: Tony Gale.

Andre Villas-Boas thinks Liverpool can challenge for the title. He must mean the Battle For Fourth Place Title sponsored by Football Symptomatic of Ruination of Everything Inc.

So each side has shorn itself of a lummox. No Torres for Chewlsye, which is a relative surprise, and ultimately a disappointment. If he’s shit, hilarious, if he’s good, hilarious. He’s replaced by Drogba, who’ll be flanked by Mata and Malouda.

For Liverpool, Downing and Henderson start on the bench, as well they might – though with Kuyt and Maxi on the wings in their stead, it’s hard to see Liverpool creating much from those areas. The onus will be on Adam, Suarez and Bellamy to have a go and what’s become a pleasingly-dodgy Chelsea back-four. Oh, and Carroll’s on the bench.

Let’s have some teams, then.

Chelsea (4-3-3 and a very high line as we’ll regularly be told): Cech, Ivanovic, Luiz, Terry, Cole, Ramires, Mikel, Lampard, Mata, Drogba, Malouda. Subs: Turnbull, Romeu, Torres, Meireles, Bosingwa, Sturridge, Anelka.
Liverpool (4-4-2 probably): Reina, Johnson, Skrtel, Agger, Jose Enrique, Kuyt, Lucas, Adam, Maxi, Bellamy, Suarez. Subs: Doni, Carroll, Henderson, Downing, Spearing, Carragher, Kelly.
Even more bored than the rest of us: Martin Atkinson (W Yorkshire, crucially)

Dear Liverpool and Chelsea,

There comes a time when we head a certain call; when the [people in the] world must come together as one. There are people dying, and it’s time to lend a hand [metaphorically speaking, if it were possible] to life: the greatest gift of all. We can’t go on pretending day by day [if, indeed, that is how we are all engaged] that someone, somewhere will soon make a change. We are all a part of God’s great big family, [I know this because I told myself] and the truth, you know love is all we need.

We are the world, we are the children. We are the ones who make a brighter day so let’s start giving. There’s a choice we’re making, we’re saving our own lives. It’s true we’ll make a better day, just you and me.

Send each other your heart so they’ll know that someone cares and their lives will be stronger and free. As God has shown us by turning stone to bread [and numerous other amazingnesses like turning guilty to not]. So we all must lend a helping hand.

We are the world, we are the children. We are the ones who make a brighter day so let’s start giving. There’s a choice we’re making, we’re saving our own lives. It’s true we’ll make a better day, just you and me.

When you’re down and out there seems no hope at all. But if you just believe there’s no way we can fall. Well, well, well, well, let us realise that a change will only come. When we stand together as one.

We are the world, we are the children. We are the ones who make a brighter day so let’s start giving. There’s a choice we’re making, we’re saving our own lives. It’s true we’ll make a better day, just you and me.

Love,

Daniel