And it’s all over: I’ve had a lovely time typing for five hours. “Childish” sarcasm aside, this was a really good game. Well done Liverpool and Manchester City – you managed not to be dreadful.

Now, from me it’s goodbye. Chips, chips, chips chipchipschipschips.

One more go from Liverpool….Carroll’s header is saved magnificently by Hart! There it was, brilliant header from Carroll, his moment, and Hart ruined it. Amazing save.

So close! Dear David Silva, the jinky jinky fun is amazing 99% of the time, but could you not have just hit that? Dzeko burst clear down the left, as Johnson fell over; he plays the ball across, beyond Reina, to Silva on the edge of the area, but the jinker can’t help himself. One touch from a winning goal, he takes four and Liverpool get men back on the line.

87mins: Maybe five minutes to go and Suarez and Lucas exchange passes. Suarez gets the space for a shot and hits it well, but it’s saved expertly by Hart as his near post.

85mins: Liverpool fans chant “cheat,” presumably unaware that they have Luis Suarez in their team.

Balotelli off! Second yellow and Mancini is livid. His arm, Skrtel’s face: contact. It seems harsh to me, but I suppose no-one asked. All that, and now Andy Carroll is on for some eleven vs ten – which is more his game, I hear.

81mins: Aguero off, Dzeko on. But Roberto, you’re allowed both on?

79mins: Penalty shout! But there’s nothing in it. Suarez nutmegs a City player and throws himself down. You know the routine. The Kop screams, everyone else shakes their heads etc.

Even Stewart Downing is having a go now! His shot flies across the goal. It was difficult, full on the volley, and any touch would have put it in. City might look to bring on Nigel De Jong here – Barry and Toure are nowhere. Plus, it’s just nice to see Nigel out there, y’know?

76mins: A Charlie Adam free kick comes off of Micah Richards’ face and forces Joe Hart to make a save.

75mins: A minute ago Suarez got past a couple of City cones and came very close to pulling it back to Kuyt. This time, he goes for goal himself from the left hand-side of the penalty area. It’s high and wide, but this is all Liverpool. Balotelli collects a yellow for a pull on Glen Johnson.

71mins: Balotelli falls over. I think he meant it.

*need momentum to win.

68mins: Nice tackle on Adam by Lescott sets off a City counter, but Balotelli – enigma, badass, full-time cool dude – can do nothing good with his first real touches of the game.

I’m interested to see what City do if they do drop points here. Well, I’m not, it’s called a segue. I just wanted to explain that City are so good – have so many good player – I don’t think they need to win.

66mins: Excellent volleyed shot from Stewart Downing, saved impressively by our man Joe!

64mins: Balotelli on for Nasri. Nasri has faded after a good start at City and I think Balotelli was unlucky not to start this game – 9 goals in 10 games, baby. Certainly City needed something new.

It’s worth noting, though, before my prediction of a Liverpool win comes to fruition, that City can afford to lose this game.

61mins: Continuing a trend of kamikaze goalkeeping, Pepe Reina wonders out of his goal to tackle Sergio Aguero. He’s good fun. So Balotelli, who’s not come on yet because he’s gone to take his leggings off in the tunnel.

58mins: A City attack. Gael Clichy sends a lovely low ball across Liverpool’s box. It’s put out for a corner which the red ones clear. Then there’s talk of a handball – our talkers for the day explain something about the difference between a handball and not a handball, but unfortunately I miss it.

Mario Balotelli is coming on, I believe.

57mins: Henderson caught offside. I’ve a feeling I’m spelling his name wrong.

54mins: Micah Richards is being treated for an injury inflicted on him by Charlie ‘Wad’ Adam. Adam has been good again today – shielding the back four with Lucas, helping Downing and Henderson press, and getting into useful shooting positions. There you go, Charlie, you can bloody do it!

Chips: Chips, chips.

51mins: Diving header from Kuyt! Not a goal.

That technical difficulty meant me missing out a City attack. It’s not all ‘Pool, but City are on the back foot – if only Suarez, Kuyt or Henderson looked the men to push them over.

49mins: I just lost some of my beautiful words to an internet cock-up. You’ll never know. But the gist: Henderson trying keep-ups on the edge of the Man City area, Suarez doing something equally faffy, City clearing a corner.

Chips, chips, chips. That’s what I’m having after this is finished.

Second-half: We’re away on the fun boat.

Positive network solutions: Alan Curbishley thinks the next goal will be important. I concur.

Analysis: 1. Had Liverpool not scored that lucky goal, would they have gone on to dominate this game as they have so far? I don’t believe so.

2. I’d be eating a warm meal now if Callum were here instead of me.

3. Alan Curbishley is off his head.

4. Might Pepe Reina have been sent off – was it a handball as he rushed out of his area?

5. How thick is wall?

Half time emails? Enemy to dignity, ‘ManUtd24′, emails in: “I shouldn’t be reduced to this. Emailing a site that probably gets more hits than mine despite being three years younger. And then being ridiculed because of the mediocrity of the webs[h]ite’s name. I have a name, you know. I HAVE A NAME!”

Half-time: Smashing game of football, the commentator says. That was what I was going to say. Now it looks like copying. I’d have really enjoyed this game if not for having to be here watching it with you. See you in what will feel like two minutes, but will actually be fifteen.

41mins: This is very impressive from Liverpool. People like myself who have spent a lot of time badmouthing them over email are being shown up here. They have, after a slow start, matched City and raised them. Last week Newcastle had done something similar, but capitulated once they’d conceded – that quick, and a tad lucky, equaliser has ensured this pulled this game away from that.

One of my housemate’s teeth has just fallen out.

Email: ManUtd24, everyone’s favourite ManUtd number, emails in: “Here’s an email as you sound like you need a bit of Kompany. I’m pleased with that. Bye!” I’m not desperate enough to publish that, ManUtd24.

39mins: City are trying to slow things down now, which is a good idea on their part. Gareth Barry, for all his being useless, is not a bad man to have on this pitch right now. Certainly not alongside Yaya Toure, who shoots from too far out again and surrenders possession.

35mins: And just having said that, the pattern is reasserted. Liverpool pull City wide, before offering Charlie Adam another chance to shoot. He obliges, and Joe Hart makes a good save.

34mins: This is quick stuff. I’ll concede this: it’s bloody good. Chances, lots of shouting, possession changing hands quickly. Ace. Liverpool have genuine width (why does it always have to be “genuine” – when is width fake?), and City are being spread thinly.

32mins – Goal!: Liverpool equalise! Charlie Adam’s shot from 30 yards is going wide, but Jolean Lescott is kind enough to turn it in. Wow. No need to ask how Liverpool will respond, then. They’re running at City again now…

30mins – GOAL!: Corner in from Samir Nasri, Kompany rises highest (well, higher than Kuyt, his tiny marker) and put a shoulder – not a header! – into the top corner.

28mins: I consider Roberto Mancini a personal enemy.  You should too.

27mins: Clichy has to stretch to clear a Liverpool cross. It’s a relatively open game now. Relative, of course, to everything always being dry and shit.

23mins: Interesting to see Balotelli and Dzeko reduced bench sitting today. Roberto Mancini has gone instead for the little men, Nasri, Aguero, Silva (though Milner adds some beef.) Is the idea that Skrtel likes  a man to mark, and the little guys are a bit cleverer than he can handle. I know this is radical thinking.

22mins: My mother is trying to call me on Skype. Insight, there.

20mins: Sergio Aguero gets clear after Charlie Adam is surely fouled in midfield. He jinks and jinks and jinks into Liverpool’s penalty area, but when he looks to pull the ball back he falls over and looks a c***.

16mins: Horrendous backpass from Downing (maybe?)! Sergio Aguero is almost let in. It’s a straight race between Pepe Reina and his tiny Argentine opponent and guess what? Reina wins it. There was a hint of handball, but the rule, of course, is: if the keeper runs at you, none of the game’s rules apply to him.

15mins: Gareth Barry makes a tackle – who knew? Liverpool have entered the game now and are resembling a reasonable team.

12mins: I’ve nothing on tomorrow, nothing on today, and had nothing on yesterday. Mine and Andy Carroll’s life experiences have converged as only one of the great thinkers might have predicted. Carroll has not made the first eleven today, even with late news that Craig Bellamy has dropped out of the squad for personal reasons.

Unlike Carroll though, no-one has, yet, paid £35million for me. There haven’t even been any offers.

10mins: Micah Richards is challenged in Liverpool’s penalty area. City’s right back in Liverpool’s penalty area, that’s right.

Liverpool pretend to start an attack of their own, but they kid no-one.

5mins: Already there have been more chances in this game than the filth Swansea and Aston Villa have just produced. Yaya Toure fires a powerful shot over the bar after a corner. The tone, I believe, has been set. Manchester City will win this game, they will dominate and they will win.

Liverpool, with Lucas in centre midfield and the competent Skrtel and Agger at the heart of their defence, should in theory be well set up to challenge this City side. Or as well set up as anyone else. But the simple reality is that City are a far, far better team than any other in the league right now. Their Champions League struggles come from the manager, not the squad, in my humble one.

Easy jokes dep: Referee: Martin Atkinson.

Late team news, anyone? Liverpool: Reina; Johnson, Skrtel, Agger, Enrique; Henderson, Lucas, Adam; Kuyt, Suarez, Downing. Subs: Doni, Carroll, Maxi, Coates, Spearing, Carragher, Kelly.

Manchester City: Hart; Richards, Kompany, Lescott, Clichy; Barry, Yaya Toure, Milner, Silva, Aguero, Nasri. Subs: Pantilimon, Zabaleta, Dzeko, Johnson, Toure, De Jong, Balotelli.

3mins: Joe Hart rushes out of his goal to make a clearance. It seemed a little unnecessary, as if, as I often suspect of Hart, he just wanted to be involved in the fun. Anyway, now Manchester City are tapping it around and the world is as fine as it ever was.

1min: It’s begun. A warning: I’ve not eaten yet, so I’m in no mood for tippy-tappy.

Preamble: Hello. This isn’t Callum – if only I was him – it’s Ethan D-R. Callum’s not around yet, and I think it’s right we assume he’s protesting against this game taking place. The motivation behind the protest is unclear, but I say we get behind him and boycott this shite. No? Fine, we’ll go on with this farce on your word, but if it’s not 6-6 at half-time I’m buying that gun I told you I would.