My top 100 players in the world

Everyone’s making lists. We do it too, but they’re always, in part, meant to take the piss out of the format – duh. The reason is, they’re what people click on. Still, I like them most when they’re subversive.

Today’s satire of the listing obsession is my top 100 players in the world. I won’t be explaining any of my decisions, and though I’ll put them in order, I’m not thinking about this carefully, so if I fucking want to I’ll leave Messi out. First and second names will only be provided where I can remember them. Spelling mistakes will be embraced.

1. Philipp Lahm
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*Already had some wise-guy reckon that Lahm should be ahead of Lahm. Everyone’s a fucking critic.

** Accusations of a Philipp Lahm bias on this website are an absolute disgrace and won’t be tolerated. I don’t even like Lahm.