Diagram: How To Wind Up Spurs Fans

In the great wide world, many a fan of one team will come across many a fan of another team, and the two fans will, in order to clarify the relative position of each fan in contrast to the other within the prevailing sporting social hierarchy, proceed to have it out in a most civilized and genteel fashion, thus determining which fan’s team is the superior one according to a vast array, as complicated as it is ambiguous, of sociopolitical historical trajectories factored in to relevant current events and ongoing media narratives.

Sometimes the exchange at the outset dispenses with vulgar reasoned discourse, escalates quickly to inarticulate guffaws or unprintable swear words, and culminates in glorious violence. Alas, however, this is not always the case. Fans often find themselves forced to engage in ghastly conversation, using words to, it pains me to so much as type this out, express opinions and articulate thoughts. One can scarcely imagine something so ghastly, so utterly barbaric and insipidly decadent, but it’s true. Football fans, talking to each other!

It is with the feeble hope of mitigating this wretched horror that we proudly present a helpful guide to aid fans of a certain Manchester City FC in ensuring a smooth transition from passing encounter to violent confrontation with fans of a certain Tottenham Hotspur FC, the pair of Barclays English Premier League clubs having faced off just yesterday with the home team and league leaders finishing victorious at a score of 3-2.

To wit:

All’s well and best of luck to you all, right honorable Manchester City fans/haters of Tottenham Hotspur/trolls. Go forth and rub it in their fucking faces yall! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FI–

Photo courtesy of Well Offside.