FCF EXCLUSIVE: Jose Mourinho’s next move
He’s maybe, or quite possibly maybe not, looking at houses in London. STOP THE PRESSES!
It’s international week. How could we tell? Well some football writers are getting all hot under the collar because Portuguese tease Jose Mourinho, a self-confessed Anglophile and former resident of London, has been spotted in London, looking at houses. Yes! How very exciting! The FCF never fails to be amazed how giddy the press gets over the most meaningless tittle-tattle, but of course, Fleet Street’s Super Sleuths have decided a rich man with lots of spare cash looking at a house in one of the richest cities in the world can mean only one thing: daddy’s coming home!
But to where? Chelsea? Arsenal? Tottenham? Brentford? Ok, so they don’t actually have any details about that, they’ve just, in the style of Barney the Dinosaur, been putting two and two together, but still, Jose. Get the bunting out. And to herald the return of the FCF’s favourite son, and also not to be outdone in the scoop stakes, we’ve been doing some digging of our own and have come to the following conclusions about the next manager of Millwall.
1. There were reports last night that Jose Mourinho is spending his summer on safari, leading suggestions the Portuguese man o’war is planning to retire from human society and become the king of the jungle. “The Lion King is one of Jose’s favourite films,” said an unnamed source. “He quite likes Aladdin too, though.”
2. Jose Mourinho last night confessed Newsnight is one of his favourite programmes, leading to sensational claims he is planning to run for Prime Minister.
3. We’ve heard exclusively that Mourinho is taking line dancing lessons. It means he’s a cowboy.
4. There are unconfirmed reports coming out of Spain that Mourinho was heard listening to Robbie Williams in his car yesterday. Many believe this to be a coded admission that he is married to the former Take That man.
5. Jose Mourinho advertises razors. He must really like them.
6. Jose Mourinho last night revealed that Phil Collins was one of his favourite artists. He is currently being held on charges of GBH.
7. Jose Mourinho was pulled over for speeding at some point last week. What this says about his relationship with Ayrton Senna is as yet unclear, as reports are still emerging. Latest when we have it.
8. Jose Mourinho has some black and some white hair. Is he part panda? The evidence speaks for itself.
9. Jose Mourinho insists that everyone is trying to get him. He is 2Pac.
10. The odds on Jose Mourinho becoming the next England manager were dramatically shortened last night after he revealed he once had a plate of fish and chips.
Image from Well Offside.