A castigation: Radiohead

Castigation is clearly much better than appreciation. Here’s the first in a new series.

Radiohead are a brilliant live act. Radiohead are brilliantly rich. Radiohead are brilliant at promoting their socially-conscious agenda. That being the case, how odd that they’re playing two nights at the “O2 Arena”, a disgusting, corporate hangar that swallows sound, annihilates atmosphere, and prohibits products not purchased within its confines. In theory, it encapsulates everything to which they preach such tedious and sanctimonious opposition, yet for all the intellectual pretension, they appear never to have encountered the Frankfurt School. When the band announced that In Rainbows would invite listeners to pay whatever they thought it was worth, they trumpeted a revolutionary attempt to alter how people relate to music. But in this new context, it’s very clear what they were at: a cunning stunt motivated solely by money, aimed at achieving greater sales than otherwise through consequent publicity, shaming some listeners into parting with a few quid instead of pirating for their usual nothing, and teasing others into the thirty quid “limited edition” shtuss to make up the shortfall. Meanwhile, tickets for these London shows cost £65 and are available through Ticketmaster only, complete with supplementary, complimentary £13 “handling fee”, whatever the blithering fuck that is – and on top of that, must be collected from the venue, lest a secondary market emerge. Or, in other words, tae Falkirk with the narked majority forced to spend valuable intoxication time standing in queues surrounded by expensive concessions. Fake plastic earth? Too fucking right, but not until now did we know that these cunts were singing about themselves all along.

If you’ve anything or anyone needing castigating, feel free to send in a piece of around this length to writers@thefcf.co.uk. Obviously we’ll pay you if we use it.