Has anyone seen my lute?

Anyway, later everyone. I’m going for a walk with some friends.

Tottenham stay in fourth place, five points ahead of fifth-placed Chelsea.

Redknapp will be happy to have kept a clean sheet for the first time in a while.

The result is better for Spurs than Chelsea, but with the chances in the game both sides will look at this as points dropped.

Chelsea’s MVP was definitely Gary Cahill, who I don’t like and find overrated. However, he made those two important blocks.

For Spurs, the MVP was nobody, they were a massive disappointment today. Shame on you, Spurs! I expected better out of yall.

FT 0-0. John Terry is hugging his old teammate William Gallas, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Probably stuff like “I love black people.”

90+4 min. Spurs have a dangerous free kick. Probably their last chance of the match. Bale’s shot dips just in front of Cech, who just manages to adjust and put it out for a corner. Modric takes it, cleared by Chelsea. Final whistle.

90+1 min. Bale runs past everyone but Cahill, who blocks his shot. Modric’s corner is cut out by the first defender.

90 min. There will be four minutes of added time.

88 min. Salomon Kalou comes on for Sturridge, who never looked comfortable on the left.

85 min. Sturridge tries to slip Torres in on goal but overhits it and Torres has to fight hard just to keep it, eventually losing it. Somehow it ends up at the feet of Lampard, in plenty of space and 30 yards out. In a classic Frank move, he just cannons it straight at Friedel.

83 min. In talking about Chelsea’s lack of proper wingers Darke and Macca get to praising Manchester United’s Antonio Valencia, possibly their most sexual player. Great, guys. Thanks for making this game look even worse.

79 min. What a chance for Spurs! Modric puts an excellent improvised ball floated over the top to Adebayor, who’d gotten completely free. He manages to get around Cech but his shot is simply drummed into the ground and the sliding Gary Cahill manages to just put it out for a corner.

Corner taken and Bale rattles the woodwork! Adebayor tries to head it in on the rebound but again it’s over the bar.

77 min. Drogba gets it in the box and turns in his trademark fashion but unlike so many times in years past, this time he can’t get enough power on the shot and it trickles its way into Friedel’s hands.

74 min. David Luiz bowls over Luka Modric and now it’s Tottenham’s turn for a dangerous free kick

Essien is coming off for Torres. Drogba and Torres in a partnership up front has never worked before, but every day’s a new day.

Van der Vaart and Sandro (who’s on a yellow) are coming off, Louis Saha and Jake Livermore are coming on.

Chelsea are making a tactical change, while Tottenham’s substitutions seem more about injecting some fresh energy into a tired team.

73 min. Louis Saha about to come on for Spurs, Torres for Chelsea.

70 min. Kaboul’s injured but it’s not a head injury so the game goes on, much to the disdain of the Spurs fans and players. Bale eventually fouls someone to stop play. Chelsea have a free kick not too far out from goal.

HITS THE POST! It fell near Luiz, but just outside his reach to control.

68 min. Scott Parker takes the full force of a Drogba free kick directly in the face. Will Scott Parker bleed today, as he does seemingly every day?

65 min. Sandro booked for clotheslining Michael Essien.

63 min. Ramires and Assou-Ekotto collide again, both going for the same ball and kicking each other in the fallout. Oh hey, check it out–Juan Mata’s shoes are pink.

61 min. Ramires appeals for a penalty, alleging Assou-Ekotto had pushed him in an incident off the ball. Ramires was just out-muscled though.

60 min. Adebayor gets past Luiz with embarrassing ease, but fortunately for the Brazilian just kicks it directly at Gary Cahill’s feet.

58 min. Bale puts another long shot well wide. David Luiz comes on for Bosingwa. BATTLE OF THE HAIR! Luiz vs. Assou-Ekotto, who will win?

56 min. A great run from Bale takes the ball into the danger zone, and he puts it through to Walker, who blasts it into the side netting. Emboldened by this, Tottenham are starting to come to life again and are starting to put some pressure on the Blues.

53 min. Never mind. Tottenham are just slowing things down in midfield. Adebayor continues to be Spurs’ best player and the only one with any serious attacking ambition.

51 min. Bosingwa makes Bale look like an idiot and overhits a cross toward Drogba, who tries to pull off a decadent Ibrahimovic-esque flick into goal. He fails, unfortunately.

49 min. Essien earns a booking for taking out Luka Modric, putting a halt to a nice little free flowing bit of play from Tottenham, who themselves had gotten the ball back after a nice bit of free flowing play from Chelsea. The game already seems more open than in the first half, and let’s hope it stays that way.

45 min. Hopefully the second half will be a livelier affair.

0-0 at HT and they’re about to kick off. One of these teams just need to get in that ass.

45+1 min. FINALLY Tottenham put together a good bit of play. Slipped in to Modric in the penalty area, he bangs it across the front of goal to I think Van der Vaart, but Cech makes a great reflex save and it bounces up to Adebayor’s head, who puts it over the bar instead of under it. That’s what I get for correctly identifying him as Spurs’ only good player of the first half.

And that’s HT. 0-0

44 min. Adebayor is the only Spurs player doing anything worthwhile.

41 min. Gareth Bale takes another long shot that misses the target by a long way.

38 min. I mean, you’d think that with the kind of quality both these teams have, they’d be able to punish each other for their many, many mistakes. As it stands there’s nothing going on. The ad boards on the side of the field just showed a bunch of text in a foreign script–I think Chinese but I’m not sure–and that makes me feel a little bit better and worse about how horrible this game has been at the same time.

36 min. A long Chelsea ball into an almost empty Spurs box bounces off of Gallas’ back to Mata, who tries to cross it to the far post, but no one was there to attack it. This game is making me very : (

34 min. Drogba limps off the field. Torres is warming up. Drogba’s limping back on? Not sure what’s happening.

32 min. Adebayor makes a one-man counter-attack, taking the ball past like four Chelsea players up to almost the six yard box, but his final killer cross–intended for Kyle Walker at the far post–is piss poor, and with Modric hanging out in loads of space by the penalty spot it’s a great opportunity wasted.

29 min. Chelsea are starting to get into it a little more. A good ball in is headed away poorly and Drogba almost gets to it. They try to keep the pressure up but now Tottenham have it. Instead of breaking though, van der Vaart and Adebayor hold up the ball and go for the slow build-up, which culminates with Bale launching the ball into outer space from like 35 yards out. Kinda pathetic, Spurs. Get your act together.

27 min. Mata flicks it on to Drogba, who slips it through toward Frank Lampard. He misses the ball and so does William Gallas, who’d got between him and it anyway. Frankie kicks Gallas’ leg and falls over arms already flying up to ask for a penalty but nothing given. Lampard takes the corner for Chelsea and it’s right to a white shirt to head it clear.

24 min. Mata puts a through ball through to Drogba but it’s overhit and goes straight to Friedel.

21 min. It’s weird to me that Adebayor has the number 10 shirt. Not that he shouldn’t have it, although personally I think number 9 would suit him best. It’s just that, why would you give such a symbolically important number to a player at your club on loan? The modern game’s shirt number protocols really confuse me.

20 min. Chelsea put a cross into the box, but only one blue shirt was in there and he was nowhere near where the ball ended up. Come on, yall.

17 minutes gone and no shots on target. Honestly I’m not sure there have even been any shots at all. This game makes me want to do shots of vodka.

15 min. A rare misplaced pass from Juan Mata gives it to Adebayor but he’s quickly hustled off of it and someone gets a free kick that comes to nothing. This game is ass.

12 min. The away fans are singing their Spurs song, “When the Spurs go marching in” or something. You’d think that with English football’s long history you wouldn’t have to steal your songs from American tunes, but whatever.

Ian Darke says, simply, “Stats,” and after a short pause both he and co-commentator/husband Steve McManaman crack up with the giggles.

11 min. I’d like to issue a formal apology for the double -ly adverb of the previous liveblog entry. It was a mistake and you all deserve better.

10 min. An oppressively dull first 10 minutes, with both teams approaching the game extremely cautiously. John Terry plays a good long ball to Drogba, but he was surrounded by three Spurs players and they take it from him soon as he chests it down.

7 min. Consecutive corners for Spurs. They haven’t really done much. They played the second one out and dawdled in the middle of the park, and they’re still doing it now. Oh! Pass back to Friedel! HOW EXCITING! SPURS ARE PLAYING THE BEST ATTACKING FOOTBALL IN ENGLAND THIS YEAR! ‘Arry gesticulates wildly, his face red as a rotten peach.

4 min. Nevermind, now Chelsea are just chilling out in their own third. But wait! Sturridge gets a bunch of free space on the left, plays it to Drogba, who instead of shooting it first time like he should have done (I went to the Hugo Sanchez School of Commentating) the experienced Ivorian tries to flick it to Frank “Fat” Lampard. Lamps was being diligently tracked by Scotty Parker though and the attack sputtered out.

2 min. Chelsea come out the gate chomping at the bit. Already they’re up in Tottenham’s final third. They want that 4th place spot, yall. They want it baaaaaaaaad.

Kick-off! I like Assou-Ekotto’s looser afro these days. Big and beautiful, the way hair should be.

I wonder, will either manager taking the teams out here today be at the club next season? ‘Arry is probably leaving Spurs to take the England job, while caretaker manager Roberto Di Matteo is at Chelsea, nuff said.

Who will be the first to go? Will they even finish the game still managers?

SO! Big news there, John Terry is back to undermine the manager from the field rather than the bench. Fernando Torres, who scored twice in the FA Cup against Leicester City and played well without scoring against Manchester City, is dropped. Baggy’s back in.

Teams are on the field and shaking hands now.

At last, team news!

Chelsea XI: Cech; Bosingwa, Cahill, Terry (c), Cole; Sturridge, Lampard, Essien, Ramires; Drogba, Mata

Chelsea subs: Malouda, Torres, Turnbull, Kalou, Obi, Meireles, Luiz

***

Tottenham XI: Friedel; Walker, Kaboul, Gallas, Assou-Ekotto; Modric, Parker, Sandro, Bale; Van der Vaart, Adebayor

Tottenham subs: Defoe, Saha, Cudicini, Kranjcar, Nelsen, Rose, Livermore

Now they’re playing a pre-recorded feature-type interview with 40 year old Spurs keeper Brad Friedel. His accent is kind of weird! So much time in good ole Ingerlund has warped his voice a little bit. You can still tell he’s a American but you can also tell he’s been living in a foreign country for a long time.

Oh look, now Ian Darke is here! He says Spurs haven’t won at Stamford Bridge since 1990. That is a pretty crazy long time! 22 years, wow.

This London derby is gonna be huge. Tottenham have finally hit a bad run of form just as archenemies Arsenal hit a good one–the Gunners took third place this weekend as they won at Everton while Spurs could only draw at home against Stoke.

I’m your host, Andy Pacheco-Fores! Tottenham are taking on Chelsea at the Bridge–Stamford Bridge. On ESPN some dudes in suits are talking about college basketball. They’re just messing around, having a few laughs, making fun of the stats guy. Good times.

Good morning!

(It’s 7:30 here in Texas.)