The Twitter Match Reports
It’s less effort if they’re shorter.
ARS 3–3 NOR. ”If football were a sound,” muses Wenger, “this result would be the chilling squeals of a Victorian abattoir.”
CHE 2–1 LIV. Blame-sharing egalitarian & barely-visible footballing mist Downing thanks teammates for helping him achieve total anonymity.
NEW 0–2 MNC. Reverse psychology anti-hype fetishist Mancini drops a bollock in hideous fucking-hell-we’re-going-to-
AV 1–1 TOT. Big boss Begbie beaming with pride as FC Bar Brawl glass themselves before anyone else can.
BOL 2–2 WBA. Baggies blessed saviour Roy strides knowingly towards own crucifixion. Wow. He’s like a Jesus that actually existed.
FLM 2–1 SUN. Soldier boy Dempsey too beaucoup as Yank spanksmith ransacks Black Cats’ backdoor with absolute flaming bender.
QPR 1–0 STO. Stoke poked by last gasp Djib jab.
WW 0–0 EVE. So do I watch the highlights or pop down the sewers to mainline heroin into my optic nerve with a filthy needle? #choiceschoices
MNU 2–0 SWA. “I like my football how i like my women,” riffs Darth Ferg. “Burdened with despairing levels of futility.”
Follow Little Big Match right hurr.