The Twitter Match Reports

Were there more games than this? I’ve lost interest completely.

BYN 1-1 CHE. Puffin-faced marionette Di Matteo ‘under consideration’ as shark-eyed despot John Toxic seeks to appoint a permanent Yes Man.

BPL 1-2 WHU. My testes-themed ‘Vaz difference’ pun isn’t that funny so I’ll take the opportunity to call Allardyce “the white Mugabe” instead.

Lut 1-2 Yor. 39,265 craptown jester hats descend on Wembley to pretend they don’t support Man United for a day.

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Diplomatic Jose doesn’t really mean it

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Jose Mourinho remained cautious on Wednesday night despite witnessing his Real Madrid side quash Galatasaray 3-0 in the first leg of their UEFA Champions League quarterfinal. The Real boss, looking to win his third European Cup this spring, must have been delighted with his side’s three goals that effectively earned them direct ...

Of Soccer and Swords

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The blood stained pavement was covered with shattered glass and broken teeth. Egypt was engulfed in flames, leaving nothing but ash and blood stains in it’s wake. Enraged protestors tore apart police stations and political institutions while parents mourned the loss of their children. No, I’m not talking about the Arab Spring ...

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