The Spanish Season Preview
Hey everybody, football’s back! And not just any old football either, La Liga. How we all managed to last the summer without Guillem Balague and Rafa Benitez crapping on about tactics and beard trimmers on Sky I don’t know, but it seems we did. Although we did have the horrific “false 9” debate during Euro 2012, which was only slightly less tedious than Real Madrid’s pursuit of a strange looking London based Croat. I suppose I could bulk out the word count here with that hilarious joke about Hitler, Poland and a false nein, but that would be bang out of order. Modric wise, fair play to Daniel Levy for selling him for £14m less than he could have got last summer. Whatever next, the Glazers spending a few quid on a player with no resale value?
So summer is over, and it was something of a mixed one for Spain’s footballers. They veered from the dull (yes they were) to the brilliant during Euro 2012, although it would have been nice to see them meet ze Germans in the final. They were deserved winners in the end, as ever. However, their Olympic lads stank the place out, but luckily everybody here was far too busy cheering on toffs going backwards in boats and watching odd cycling events nobody really understood to notice. Mind you, they did win the proper tournament so I’m quite sure nobody in Spain cared either. They did win a bronze in the wrestling, however, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time.
The best thing about the return of La Liga is that we can all start arguing and bickering about who’s better, Messi or Ronaldo. This is truly a debate that never gets old, and it’s certainly better than people just acknowledging that they are both really good at football. Laugh as hilarious internet wags tell you how Ronaldo just doesn’t do it in the big games! Cry as other people retort by telling them that Messi’s haircut makes him look a bit special needs! Another entertaining (non internet) game you can play is starting a conversation in the pub about Spanish football, and the first person who makes the “SPL with sun” quip gets hit in the face with a pint pot (preferably empty, no need to waste ale). It’s great fun, and the sickening alcohol based violence ironically makes you feel like you are actually in Scotland.
It all kicks off with Celta Vigo v Malaga on Saturday. My problem with Celta Vigo is they make me think of @BLUE_VIGO off twitter, and therefore I associate them with EPL, erections and EPL erections. If you’re going to follow anybody on twitter, it should be him. Malaga seem not to be rich anymore, and have sold Arsenal that lad with the daft Santa name. It’s all a bit rum, but in their favour everybody I know wants them away in the first European Cup group game. Look, if you want serious La Liga comment, read the proper papers. There’s also a game kicking off at 10.00pm on Saturday night; now I’m no expert on international time zones, but I reckon that’s 11.00pm in Spain. Who the fuck wants to go to a match at that time? Just imagine how drunk you’d be if you’d been on the cerveza on the train since ten in the morning.
The stand out game of the opening weekend is probably Real Madrid v Valencia, which was an entertaining Glenn Miller towards the end of last season. Barcelona kick off at home a couple of hours later against Real Sociedad, and it will be interesting to see how they cope without Guardiola’s pep talks (piss off). However, I’m still amused by the fact their new manager is basically called Tit, given the Spanish prediliction for putting an ‘o’ on the end of everything.
I suppose I best make a prediction at this point, although I am notoriously shit at them. I predicted an el Clasico final for Munich last season at the semi final stage, so if you’ve got any sense you’ll back Tit and the lads for the league, because I’m going for Jose’s boys.
Enjoy the season.
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